Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The time it takes for a 9 year old to earn a Swiss army knife selling Boy Scout popcorn: About 3 weeks.

The time it takes for that 9 year old to cut himself with the Swiss army knife: About 33 seconds.

Don't worry. The kid's fine. My couch, however, will never quite be the same.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Why? Why? Why?

Before you have children you think kids ask, "Why is the sky blue?"
Then you have children and you find out they ask, "Why is the sky?"

I mentioned this on Twitter and @inakiescudero sent me this wonderful blog link:

Friday, December 4, 2009

The eye doctor told me I have run out of tears.

Then he said I may never be able to wear contacts again and I immediately proved his first theory wrong.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

(Knock, Knock. I open the door.)
Voice: It's someone you know!
Me: Who is it?
Voice: It's your son! (I know it's my son. He's not wearing a mask or anything.)
Me: How do I know it's my son and not someone dressed up as my son?
Voice: It's really me! Touch my face! See?

And I silently vow to be more like an 8-year old in my heart.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

"So I told my husband 400 random strippers is way better than one special one."

This is not the sentence to be saying when you're talking a little too loud and the restaurant suddenly gets very quiet. Don't ask me how I know this.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

After 20 years of living in Boston, I finally became a New Englander. I bought skis!

Great new/used sale at the town lift:

New Rossingnol skis: $229
Bindings: $0
Helmet, goggles and poles: $55
Never having to tell the ski rental guy my weight again: priceless

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Monday, October 5, 2009

I bought my car the same month I had my first child.

Here is a valet parking attendant's report on any scratches, dents or object missing from my car. I'm happy to report the kid is in much better shape.

Monday, September 28, 2009

They say when you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life.

I say when you do what you really, really love you'll work days, nights, weekends, on your commute, in the shower, while you're on the treadmill and sometimes even in your sleep.

Sorry I haven't updated lately. For me it goes: kids, work, blog. For the past eight weeks I've been pretty wrapped up with the first two.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I always feel sad when I notice a fly has gotten caught in my car. Especially if I'm on a long trip.

Now I've relocated a fly. When we get out he'll have to make all new friends. Find a new family. Get a new job. And he's only got 2 to 4 weeks to do it.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Today, Kat Jaibur guest posts. Thanks, Kat!

I felt bad because I had no Gmail. Then I met a man who had no Twitter.

(Follow Kat at @katjaib)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"Life is between the trapeze bars." -Unknown

I love this quote, but it haunts me that the author is unknown. Did he fall before anyone got his name?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

I do not look forward to voice activated television.

"American Idol"

"Sports Center"

"American IDOL"



"SPORTS!!!!!! CENTER!!!!!!"

"AMERICAN!!!!!! IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

There are Starbucks people and there are Dunkin' Donuts people. And then there are people who eat their Dunkin' Donuts in Starbucks.

Nicely done, man and his son with a table full of Dunkin' in Starbucks this morning! Never before have I had so much respect for people eating Eggwhite Flatbread Sandwiches.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a great one.

Today's guest blogger is Jenn Kelly. She left us this week waaaaay too soon. An amazing person, you might have read some of her comments on this blog.

I just ran into this quote from her in an email. This was the kind of thing she passed along all the time. She changed the world just by being her.

We'll miss you Jenn.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Today would have been my grandmother's 100th birthday.

She was an amazing woman. Her patience lasted through many games of Crazy 8's with a singing 8 year old. Her arthritic hands never tired of scratching little backs. And her hair was the color of an Entenmann's crumb cake. You would have liked her.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Why am I saving this receipt that says my mammogram showed no abnormalities?

Do I think I can turn it in for proof if I ever get diagnosed with breast cancer?

Note added later: I know some people think some of my posts are funny. Sometimes they're just my thoughts. This post was not meant to be funny. I thought it was important for you to know that. Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Whenever I hear one of those half sneezes, my mind always thinks a half blessing.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I remembered that I left my husband's sunroof open halfway through the storm.

So is the car half empty or half full?

Note: My husband ran out in the rain in his socks, dried out his car and was very nice about it. So I guess it's half full.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Just saw a preview for the new movie, "Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs."

Where the Wild Things Are
Harry Potter
Charlotte's Web
Curious George
The Spiderwick Chronicles
Tale of Despereaux
Bridge to Terabithia

I feel so relieved that children will never be burdened by having to read again.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

An amazing new promotion for GM car buyers.

If you buy a car from GM and then lose your job within the next 24 months, you get to run GM.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Nevermind overachieving, I can't believe how many things I have to say over and over a day just to keep my kids alive.

Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Drink your water. Put on a coat. Take your vitamin. Take your vitamin. Eat. Eat. Eat. Don't stick that in there. Look both ways. Look both ways. Make sure you look both ways. Wear your helmet. Stay by my side. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Eat. Eat. Eat.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Friday, February 20, 2009

Today I can't stop wondering if I could survive if I somehow ended up at the bottom of a 10' pool that was filled with whipped cream instead of water.

Could I get out? Could I somehow get enough air until I figured out a way to get out? Whipped cream does have a lot of air in it, right? But there's no traction for swimming. Could I crawl through it?

On the days I don't post it's only because my head is filled with illogical thoughts like this.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Before I read the sign on the door I never considered the possibility that the person aligning my tires would be on drugs. Now they have me thinking.

       Suddenly I'm wondering why National Tire and Battery feels the need to post this information on their door. And why they ranked its importance in between no smoking and the fact that they recycle. And should I be worried that they're going to stab me in the knee? They didn't post that they wouldn't.

Friday, February 13, 2009

When I was a child I thought the moon was following me. Now I know Chipolte is.

I've never eaten at the place and still everywhere I go there's a new one popping up. Apparently an economic crisis gives people the munchies for Mexican.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The ultimate "get over it and move on."

 "I had this expectation that my career would be one in which I didn't crash an airplane."
- Captain Sullenberger on why he was surprised, not frightened, just before he carefully landed the A320 in the Hudson

Monday, February 9, 2009

I don't like when people cite their "years of experience" to prove that they know they can NOT get something done. Use it to show that you can.

Goofus: I've been working here 25 years so I know that's not possible.
Gallant: Let's use what I've learned over the past 25 years to make this happen!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Today I found out my breasts are dense.

Apparently this isn't bad or good. Though it may explain some of the poor decisions they made in their earlier years.

(File under Medical Tests of your 40's.)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

If you want something done NOW, ask a 9 year old.

Mine just ran down the stairs and through the house naked and dripping wet to say he was happy the new shampoo was not tested on animals.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday, January 16, 2009

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

You're not going to believe what happened to me on the plane.

For those of you who read regularly, you know how I feel about airplane bathrooms
Well, on this airplane, the light was not connected to the lock. (I did not realize this until it was too late.) As I started my business I was actually thinking about how I could feel confidence in the lock because the light was on when low and behold the door opens! Suffice it to say, my dignity was not shielded by darkness. And I worried about that plane's engines for the rest of the flight.

Monday, January 5, 2009

I may have lost a laptop, but I gained some insight.

State Police are a lot nicer when you're 41 and looking for a missing laptop at Logan Airport than they are when you're 21 and peeing on someone else's patio at 3am.

No, Aunt Pat. That never happened.