If they record all these customer service calls for quality control purposes, why isn't the quality of customer service calls getting any better?

Important information you may need someday.

If you ever pull your refrigerator out to clean underneath it and you happen to puncture the copper wire that delivers water to the ice maker and water starts shooting all over your kitchen like an open fire hydrant on a hot day in Brooklyn, duct tape will not stop the flow of water so do not waste ten minutes trying to make it work. Especially if you have wood floors. There is probably a shut off valve somewhere in your basement that will stop the flow of water with a simple turn of a knob. It is good to know this important tip BEFORE you need it. 

It's that time again: What people Googled to get to my blog.

Am I the only one who finds it interesting to see what people Google? Before you answer, read on:

homeless looking sweatshirt

macbook air conga line

i hate cat bumper sticker

real life size characters

if you feel you are only one human in this world

what sytle underwear am I

the shortest marriage in the world

hineys

how to put on a thong

what is organ donation and why is it used

smell like downy

this is hell and i am the devil

mylie cyrus thong

i think i love mylie cyrus

i've always wanted one of those

election year prom themes

pee my thong

theshortestbookreviewintheworld: The Pillars of the Earth

Conquer. Rape. Pillage. Repeat.

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes.

I hope it doesn't flash by that fast. I think I'd enjoy that show.

This is your last chance!

That sentence is hardly ever true.

I get very uncomfortable watching tv show characters dance.

Slow dancing is okay. But please, tv show writers, unless your show stars Jennifer Beals (and you know who you are) please leave out the dancing scenes. It's awkward for everyone.

Advertising themes through the decades.

The 80's:  You deserve it!

The 90's:  You're always on the go!

The 00's:  There's never been a better time...

I'm so glad the pick up line at pharmacies don't operate like the pick up line at Starbucks.

"VIAGRA FOR LARRY!"

"PAXIL AND STOOL SOFTENER FOR PAM!"

Sometimes I talk so much I interrupt myself.

I would like a windmill powered car.

A tiny windmill on the hood. Think about it. The wind is already there. Could someone jump on it, please?

It's odd that I get emails that tell me if I forward them to 10 people my wishes will be granted, but if I don't something horrible will happen to me.

It's even more peculiar that I get these from people who love me.

Can I just ask you a quick question?

Yes. But you've already made it twice as long as it needed to be.

The collector with one wall has the best art.