I don't want to die doing something I loved.

I want to die just after I've finished doing something I loved.

Overheard at the vet.

There's only a hairline difference between a happy rabbit, a lethargic rabbit and a dead rabbit.

New t-shirt rule.

You're not allowed to wear a t-shirt for a bowling alley, car repair shop, bait and tackle store or sub-par eating establishment unless you have patronized the institution or your relative owns it.

What's another word for nother?

I hear people using it all the time: nother. Ex: "That's a whole nother issue." Nother is not a word. But it's so handy. I can't think of another word that can take its place.

The most annoying thing about living on the border between two time zones must be when someone new moves into the neighborhood.

It probably takes five or six months for the new guy to stop making jokes like, "Wow, this morning it took me an hour and two minutes to walk next door. But I got back to my house in no time!"

Vespas are so cool.

And yet Mopeds are so uncool.

What the heck is a quesclamation mark?!?!?!

Exactly.


(You heard it here first.)

Where's Typo?

Who needs Waldo when you can get all your detail hunting fun right here on theshortestblogintheworld? Be the first to report a typo. Find 50 and you'll get a free gift certificate to Sam Goody Records!

Time flies when you're having fun. It goes slowest when:

A. You're defrosting chicken in the microwave.
B. You just peed on an EPT stick.
C. Your 7 year old son is in the Mens room at the mall by himself.

I don't deserve you.

If someone says this to you, stop and seriously consider whether it may be true.

Do you google your own name? Is your name Tina Fey?

If so, write me!

I just judged about 87 books by their covers.

What they say you can't do, you can at Barnes and Noble.

Snowboarding and Karl Rove

I was recently reading a glossary of "Snowboarding Lingo" on the back of a Honeycombs box. I learned that when a snowboarder is about to fall and is flailing his arms in a circular fashion to try to avoid the inevitable, it is called “rolling down the windows” because the action simulates the action of manually rolling down the windows in a car. However, there are no actual snowboarders who have ever manually rolled down the windows in their car. (1972?) That’s how I know that “Snowboarding Lingo” is actually part of a secret KarlRovian plot to takeover the country by the hand of our drunken youth. And I think Honeycombs is in on it, too.