Talko.

A talko is like a typo, but in speech. Like when my car broke down and I didn't have a cell phone and I went up to a stranger's house to ask if I could borrow their phone. Instead I said, "My car broke down. Can I borrow your car?"
A talko is sometimes more awkward than a typo.

Learn from my morning.

If you ever find yourself wondering if there is any reason you shouldn't leave your blueberry smoothie mixing in the blender while you run down and put on a load of laundry, the answer is yes.

Everytime I give a present

I can't help but think of the present I would get in return if I were one of the characters in the "Gift of the Magi" story.
Only, since I usually give up money to buy the present I'm giving, in my "Gift of the Magi" fantasy I always get a wallet.

To me

John Cusack looks like the cartoon version of Ed Norton.

I was at church yesterday.

Yes, I was.
And it was confirmation day. There were 6 eigth graders at the front of the church. Five were in very fancy confirmation clothes. One was in jeans and a "Stop genocide in Darfur" t-shirt. I sat there and prayed that I could be the kind of parent who raised that kid.

Do birds think they're above us?

It doesn't take much.

When I walk into a ladies room, in an office or hotel lobby or something, and the seat is flipped up as if it has not been touched since it has been cleaned, I just feel like a princess. Or at least a B-list celebrity.

14 1/2.

That is the age when it stops being acceptable to wear another man's name on the back of your shirt. I don't care how many World Series he has won.

Somebody just told me Charles Bukowski died posthumously.

I was confused until another friend explained that this means he died after eating hummus.
Carry on.

Met my old lover in the grocery store.

Oh wait, that wasn't me. That was Dan Fogelberg.
If you've ever run into an old lover, or Dan Fogelberg, in a grocery store, please comment.

I do not like dogs

but every dog owner insists that their dog is the one dog I will like.

Denial

is a lit cigarette peeking out the tiny crack of an open window on the driver's side of a Land Cruiser doing twenty on the Mass Turnpike.

Those diagrams of the cow that tell you where your steak was a few days ago.

Why?

When I'm on an elevator

I look around and imagine how things would go if there ware an instantaneous catastrophe in the world outside and we, the inhabitors of the elevator, were left to repopulate the world and reconstruct society.

Large corporations should have several press photos of their CEO.

They should have happy ones. Sad ones. Maybe even a remorseful one. And they should send the appropriate photo to major news outlets when big stories break. If they would do this, we wouldn't have to read a headline that says "XYZ CORPORATION TO LAYOFF 50,000 EMPLOYESS" and see a little square press photo of XYZ's CEO smiling ever again.