I don't like to judge people at first sight.

But can we get a vote on the middle-aged guy at the hotel pool in the tiny bathing suit that said HARVARD across his butt?

FAQ sections of websites always make me feel so predictable.

Why don't teeth grow like hair and fingernails?

I wish we had to go every six months to get our teeth cut instead of cleaned.

Portion sizes keep getting bigger, but those ketchup packages remain the same size.

I think Heinz is trying to tell America something.

Andrea is obsessed with small ketchup packets. That is whence this post was born.

I really like songs with yodeling. I really don't like songs about yodeling.

I think that's what happens when you grow up in Oklahoma, but you weren't born in Oklahoma.

If I come across a ballpoint pen that I really, really like I can't help but take it. Even from a charity.

Oh yeah, right. You would never do it.

Whenever I see land surveyors doing their job I feel like they have come here in a time machine from the distant past.

I always want to take them home and show them my DVR and stamps you don't have to lick.