Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Just discovered that the grocery store on the night before Thanksgiving would be a great place to be if I were not married.

The place is swarming with men who are single enough not to have someone telling them to make the pie earlier, yet wise enough not to show up for Thanksgiving dinner with their hands hanging.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Today, as I was driving, I saw an old man with two kids in a double stroller.

He was sitting on a wall in front of the kids huffing and puffing. I pulled over fearing the worst, ready to call 911. As I got closer I realized he was blowing the seeds off a dandelion.
What a difference a moment can make.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Never call an audible on your undergarments, ladies.


A bra in the trashcan spotted late night at a party at the Museum of Fine Arts. If you thought you needed a bra before you started drinking, you probably still need one after.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Homonyms can be dangerous.

Acupuncturist: I'm going to put the needles right into your sole.
Me: WHAT?? MY SOUL??
Acupuncturist: Don't worry, they're tiny needles and I do it right up by the toes.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

After 4 months of dealing with the cable company, I now know why women sometimes sleep with the cable guy.

They are not desperate housewives. They're just so happy their HBO finally works.
(Disclaimer: I did NOT sleep with the cable guy. I mean, I'd have to see the HBO keep working for at least a week.)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Today was a Pompeii day.

My husband will come home to unmade beds. Bread still in the toaster. Half glasses of milk on the counter.

Monday, May 9, 2011

From my 11 yo, at the mall on Mother's Day.

"It would be funny if there were a big chair set up and people lined up to sit on a mom's lap and get their picture taken."

Saturday, April 2, 2011

"Why not?"

The rhetorical question with the largest number of legitimate answers.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I love how the whole country just somehow knows that #2 means, you know, #2.

It's the one thing we can all come together on. It never has to be made official or taught by anyone. Total harmony. That's why, when people say "Sh** happens," I assume they are talking about Americans uniting in harmonious agreement.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

This is me guest blogging on another site.

Right here.
But I swear, my job is not as easy as it sounds.
It's as fun as it sounds, but not as easy as it sounds.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011