Tuesday, December 18, 2012

This thing goes deep.

Do they put the freshest ones on the bottom? Or do they assume we'll think they put the freshest ones on the bottom, so they put the freshest ones on the top? Or do they think we'll know they know, so they actually put the freshest ones on the bottom? Or do they think we'll know they know we know, so they put the freshest ones on the top?

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

And we're only one hour into the day.

Me to Sawyer (on his way out the door to school): You know you're still in your pajamas, right?
Sawyer (looking down): Oh shoot. Okay, I'll correct that.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Monday, November 12, 2012

Lefties say they'll move to Canada if their candidates lose. Righties say they'll lay off workers if their candidates lose.

 Yet those in our military put it all on the line day after day, unconditionally, no matter who wins or loses. That should be our center. 

Happy Veteran's Day, military heroes (and that includes families). We owe you everything.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I never like to hear that I "should" be okay. I much prefer to hear that I "will" be okay.

If you leave before 3:00 you "should" be okay.

If you eat the less pink part of the chicken you "should" be okay.

If you just paddle slowly around the swan you "should" be okay.

Umm...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Every time we go away I bring along a couple of nice outfits for dinner.

And yet every night I find myself sitting in a restaurant late, tired, muddy, sore and dressed in play clothes. Good thing the wine doesn't discriminate.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I'm not sure, but there just might be a life lesson in here.

I've been struggling, but proud, to get up into wheel with a little help from our fearless leader, Jen at Milton Yoga. Struggle, struggle. Each time she would tell me that my face and shoulders were really tense. "It's the tension that's holding you back. Smile." So today that's what I did. I got in position like every other day, but this time I smiled. And I popped right up. 

Friday, June 29, 2012

My 10yo was cast as Mowgli in The Jungle Book.

I'm pretty sure the way he shows up in the morning looking like he was raised by wolves got him the part.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Love fiercely, forgive and have fun. I'm convinced that's what life is about.

 That and avoiding drama. The bad stuff will find you in its own time. No reason to hang the welcome sign.

.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Tonight my 10yo said a mother's 5 favorite words: I'm so proud of myself.


I wanted to hit the George Constanza high note: THAT'S IT FOR ME EVERYBODY. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A great playlist is a solid present. Every time I listen to mine I think about how wonderful my husband is.

Though "You Can't Always Get What You Want" just came on. Is he trying to tell me something? If there is a song on here called, "Stop Stretching Out My Socks When You Do Laundry" he's dead.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sitting in Starbucks. Just met a retired Boston Symphony Orchestra cellist.

I said it must have been an amazing life.
He said, "Well there were years I could have been more....you know....well, never mind."

Why are we all always focused on the you know well never mind?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Dear tired-looking woman who looked at me and said, "You are doing a great job," when my 10yo held the door open for you and your ruckusy boys.

Don't be fooled. Just 10 minutes earlier I had yelled at mine for being selfish, and then felt bad. We are all in this together. And YOU are doing a great job.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Just discovered that the grocery store on the night before Thanksgiving would be a great place to be if I were not married.

The place is swarming with men who are single enough not to have someone telling them to make the pie earlier, yet wise enough not to show up for Thanksgiving dinner with their hands hanging.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Today, as I was driving, I saw an old man with two kids in a double stroller.

He was sitting on a wall in front of the kids huffing and puffing. I pulled over fearing the worst, ready to call 911. As I got closer I realized he was blowing the seeds off a dandelion.
What a difference a moment can make.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Never call an audible on your undergarments, ladies.


A bra in the trashcan spotted late night at a party at the Museum of Fine Arts. If you thought you needed a bra before you started drinking, you probably still need one after.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Woke up from my colonoscopy hearing the nurses talk about how cute my husband was.

When I got to the waiting room, I realized the average age of the competition was 87.
(Still, he is a hottie.)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Homonyms can be dangerous.

Acupuncturist: I'm going to put the needles right into your sole.
Me: WHAT?? MY SOUL??
Acupuncturist: Don't worry, they're tiny needles and I do it right up by the toes.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

After 4 months of dealing with the cable company, I now know why women sometimes sleep with the cable guy.

They are not desperate housewives. They're just so happy their HBO finally works.
(Disclaimer: I did NOT sleep with the cable guy. I mean, I'd have to see the HBO keep working for at least a week.)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Today was a Pompeii day.

My husband will come home to unmade beds. Bread still in the toaster. Half glasses of milk on the counter.

Monday, May 9, 2011

From my 11 yo, at the mall on Mother's Day.

"It would be funny if there were a big chair set up and people lined up to sit on a mom's lap and get their picture taken."

Saturday, April 2, 2011

"Why not?"

The rhetorical question with the largest number of legitimate answers.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I wonder what percentage of all content in autobiographies is true.

And is it higher or lower than the percentage of content shared with therapists that's true?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I love how the whole country just somehow knows that #2 means, you know, #2.

It's the one thing we can all come together on. It never has to be made official or taught by anyone. Total harmony. That's why, when people say "Sh** happens," I assume they are talking about Americans uniting in harmonious agreement.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

This is me guest blogging on another site.

Right here.
But I swear, my job is not as easy as it sounds.
It's as fun as it sounds, but not as easy as it sounds.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I just found a little green worm in my cereal. No longer hungry.

I guess this is what the universe does to you if you don't start your diet by January 4th.