It seems like everybody just wants everybody else to stop texting while driving.

10 and 2, friends.

The 1st jelly bean is so much better than the 57th.

Starbucks on Easter is adorable. Nobody knows the drill.

Loving that Evan Manning, son of Kansas Basketball legend Danny Manning, is the new Scooter Berry, son of NBA Hall of Famer Rick Berry.

Husband to Son: "MoonMan" is how you say "FartBubble" in German.

Nobody is going to college around here.

My kids are weighing their heads. Too many snow days?

It was really thoughtful of them to repeat the phone number in an email.

I love when I walk into a room all riled up that the kids left the light on, only to find out it's just sun coming in the window.

Breathe, Mama, breathe.

Tricky vampires.

I like the Starbucks baristas who talk to me like we both know they're there for the health insurance.

For loner babies.

For Christmas I got all our teachers, postal people, trash guys and bus drivers Starbucks gift cards. What do I get my favorite baristas? Dunkin's?

This thing goes deep.

Do they put the freshest ones on the bottom? Or do they assume we'll think they put the freshest ones on the bottom, so they put the freshest ones on the top? Or do they think we'll know they know, so they actually put the freshest ones on the bottom? Or do they think we'll know they know we know, so they put the freshest ones on the top?

This morning my shower introduced itself to me. Nobody likes a smart ass, Pal.

The boxes are still the best part of the gift.

Did they really name their company Ho Logic?

And we're only one hour into the day.

Me to Sawyer (on his way out the door to school): You know you're still in your pajamas, right?
Sawyer (looking down): Oh shoot. Okay, I'll correct that.

I love that little kids aren't embarrassed to wear diapers.

I think there is a lesson in here for all of us.

Just got back from Target.

Look out world! The Flanagan boys are wearing pants all the way down to the ankles tomorrow.

Lefties say they'll move to Canada if their candidates lose. Righties say they'll lay off workers if their candidates lose.

 Yet those in our military put it all on the line day after day, unconditionally, no matter who wins or loses. That should be our center. 

Happy Veteran's Day, military heroes (and that includes families). We owe you everything.

Poor thing. Has no idea what's coming.

Happy Halloween!

Why would anyone go fishing during a hurricane?

Aren't the fish already having a bad enough day?

The white flag of motherhood.

Hmm. Not looking too happy.

I never like to hear that I "should" be okay. I much prefer to hear that I "will" be okay.

If you leave before 3:00 you "should" be okay.

If you eat the less pink part of the chicken you "should" be okay.

If you just paddle slowly around the swan you "should" be okay.

Umm...

We were psyched to discover the other dad exploring the tide pools with us happened to be a marine biologist.

He was psyched he finally got to yell, "Yes, I'm a marine biologist!" on a beach.

Every time we go away I bring along a couple of nice outfits for dinner.

And yet every night I find myself sitting in a restaurant late, tired, muddy, sore and dressed in play clothes. Good thing the wine doesn't discriminate.

I'm not sure, but there just might be a life lesson in here.

I've been struggling, but proud, to get up into wheel with a little help from our fearless leader, Jen at Milton Yoga. Struggle, struggle. Each time she would tell me that my face and shoulders were really tense. "It's the tension that's holding you back. Smile." So today that's what I did. I got in position like every other day, but this time I smiled. And I popped right up. 

Summer is way better.

In the great big sky I saw one silly-shaped little cloud and let out a sigh of relief knowing Dr. Seuss was in charge today.

My 10yo was cast as Mowgli in The Jungle Book.

I'm pretty sure the way he shows up in the morning looking like he was raised by wolves got him the part.

Getting your ice cream in a cup is like sitting in a jacuzzi without bubbles.

Sure, it's still getting the job done, but it's just not what you should do with friends.


.

Love fiercely, forgive and have fun. I'm convinced that's what life is about.

 That and avoiding drama. The bad stuff will find you in its own time. No reason to hang the welcome sign.

.

This morning I had to use a port-a-potty and there was a mirror in it.

Who wants to see themselves in a port-a-potty?


.

I didn't realize there were "forms of parenting." I thought we were all just winging it.

Uh oh. Is he going to pop the question?? He has been emailing a lot lately. This is awkward.

Have you noticed that everyone thinks they are the most sane person in their family?

This, of course, is impossible. But I think it's proof we're all nuts.

Suspiciously similar. Because it's better than looking for "anyone"?

Tonight my 10yo said a mother's 5 favorite words: I'm so proud of myself.

I wanted to hit the George Constanza high note: THAT'S IT FOR ME EVERYBODY. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

Today my car failed inspection because the license plates were too banged up.

Maybe it's not my license plates they should take away.

A great playlist is a solid present. Every time I listen to mine I think about how wonderful my husband is.

Though "You Can't Always Get What You Want" just came on. Is he trying to tell me something? If there is a song on here called, "Stop Stretching Out My Socks When You Do Laundry" he's dead.

On the first beautiful spring day in Boston, it's easy to think winter will never return.

Sitting in Starbucks. Just met a retired Boston Symphony Orchestra cellist.

I said it must have been an amazing life.
He said, "Well there were years I could have been more....you know....well, never mind."
Why are we all always focused on the you know well never mind?

Why do recipes always tell me to save time by chopping things ahead? Are there more hours in the day before the day I want dinner?

Dear tired-looking woman who looked at me and said, "You are doing a great job," when my 10yo held the door open for you and your ruckusy boys.

Don't be fooled. Just 10 minutes earlier I had yelled at mine for being selfish, and then felt bad. We are all in this together. And YOU are doing a great job.

If what comes around really goes around none of us will ever need to buy new bubblewrap.

I should never know what color gum you are chewing.

My 10yo son this morning: "I usually just look at something quickly and see what I think I'm going to see. Then I move on."

I think I'm raising the first truly honest man.

Wouldn't it be great if art was currency so the kind of people who spent their whole lives thinking about art ruled the world?

Wait. This is optional?

If I had made a New Year's resolution to have Ben and Jerry's for breakfast more often I would be doing great right now.

Just discovered that the grocery store on the night before Thanksgiving would be a great place to be if I were not married.

The place is swarming with men who are single enough not to have someone telling them to make the pie earlier, yet wise enough not to show up for Thanksgiving dinner with their hands hanging.

It just doesn't seem like enough.

This year, instead of Halloween decorations, the general disrepair of my house will have to do.

I forgot to take my son to Mindfullness class yesterday, so instead I homeschooled him in irony.

Today, as I was driving, I saw an old man with two kids in a double stroller.

He was sitting on a wall in front of the kids huffing and puffing. I pulled over fearing the worst, ready to call 911. As I got closer I realized he was blowing the seeds off a dandelion.
What a difference a moment can make.

Even the logo looks bored.

Never call an audible on your undergarments, ladies.

A bra in the trashcan spotted late night at a party at the Museum of Fine Arts. If you thought you needed a bra before you started drinking, you probably still need one after.

Woke up from my colonoscopy hearing the nurses talk about how cute my husband was.

When I got to the waiting room, I realized the average age of the competition was 87.
(Still, he is a hottie.)

Homonyms can be dangerous.

Acupuncturist: I'm going to put the needles right into your sole.
Me: WHAT?? MY SOUL??
Acupuncturist: Don't worry, they're tiny needles and I do it right up by the toes.

I now have one in 4th grade and the other starting middle school.

I think I'm having a mid-school crisis.

Watching 24-hour news channels is like watching professional wrestling.

After 4 months of dealing with the cable company, I now know why women sometimes sleep with the cable guy.

They are not desperate housewives. They're just so happy their HBO finally works.
(Disclaimer: I did NOT sleep with the cable guy. I mean, I'd have to see the HBO keep working for at least a week.)

Whenever I'm at an exciting landmark with my family I'm always tempted to ask a stranger to take our picture. But with their camera.

Imagine there's no laundry.

John Lennon's lesser known lyrics.

I was just told my makeup is "kinda 80's". I hope that refers to the decade and not the age.

Today I saw a woman driving a Prius throw a cigarette out her window.

I am too confused by this to even comment.

Some women love to cook for their husbands. I love to bring mine leftovers.

The first contact after he'd been out filming deep sea fishing for a week.

.

Right now I'm at a hotel in New York that is so hip I can't figure out how to turn off the light.

I love the word "guy". So often he's certainly not a boy, but you can't really go with 'man'.

This is becoming the worst version of "Who's on First" ever.

Today was a Pompeii day.

My husband will come home to unmade beds. Bread still in the toaster. Half glasses of milk on the counter.

I feel like we've crossed another milestone and have gone from "little boys" to "guys" now that my sons have learned the alternate meaning of "balls".

Preschool graduation was way cuter.

Those buttons to get the walk signals at street corners are like slot machines. It's so hard to know when to walk away.

And I always find myself looking back to see if it finally hit.

Who is more exhausted, the person who blames others for their own mistakes or the person who blames themself for everyone else's?

From my 11 yo, at the mall on Mother's Day.

"It would be funny if there were a big chair set up and people lined up to sit on a mom's lap and get their picture taken."

When you pull a huge splinter out of your hand at 7am, it's hard to feel any sense of accomplishement the rest of the day.

I just read about a doctor retiring and I couldn't help thinking about the doctor's last patient.

I would definitely get a second opinion.

"Why not?"

The rhetorical question with the largest number of legitimate answers.

All these day I've been too busy to exercise. Finally I got the chance this morning.

Turns out I don't like to exercise.

I wonder what percentage of all content in autobiographies is true.

And is it higher or lower than the percentage of content shared with therapists that's true?

Shampoo can be cruel.

Winter may be long and cold, but in the end we always win.

I rarely get cordially invited to anything I really want to go to.

There are a few items in my closet that have some nerve thinking they're going to be dry cleaned.

Lost a glove in NYC. If anyone is in New York and finds a black glove, it's probably mine.

I love how the whole country just somehow knows that #2 means, you know, #2.

It's the one thing we can all come together on. It never has to be made official or taught by anyone. Total harmony. That's why, when people say "Sh** happens," I assume they are talking about Americans uniting in harmonious agreement.

You can tell a lot about somone by whether they wipe down the treadmill before or after they exercise.

Is it me or is the emoticon smiley face so much friendlier with a nose?

Any nose.
:0)
:o)
:O)
:-)
:–)
:^)

I hope the oven repair guy doesn't ask how long the oven hasn't been working.

No clue.

There is just no unawkward way to wash a zucchini.

As of today I've been a mother for 11 years. Wondering when I'll get good at it.

This is me guest blogging on another site.

Right here.
But I swear, my job is not as easy as it sounds.
It's as fun as it sounds, but not as easy as it sounds.

I hate when Americans talk about "Americans."

Oh, wait.

Weird how something that makes you feel so cheery on December 18th can make you feel like sticking a fork in your eye on January 18th.

Christmas' hangover.

Kids don't balk at wearing hand-me-down underwear. That shows you how little power comes with being a kid.

I just found a little green worm in my cereal. No longer hungry.

I guess this is what the universe does to you if you don't start your diet by January 4th.