There are a few items in my closet that have some nerve thinking they're going to be dry cleaned.

Lost a glove in NYC. If anyone is in New York and finds a black glove, it's probably mine.

I love how the whole country just somehow knows that #2 means, you know, #2.

It's the one thing we can all come together on. It never has to be made official or taught by anyone. Total harmony. That's why, when people say "Sh** happens," I assume they are talking about Americans uniting in harmonious agreement.

You can tell a lot about somone by whether they wipe down the treadmill before or after they exercise.

Is it me or is the emoticon smiley face so much friendlier with a nose?

Any nose.
:0)
:o)
:O)
:-)
:–)
:^)