It just doesn't seem like enough.

This year, instead of Halloween decorations, the general disrepair of my house will have to do.

I forgot to take my son to Mindfullness class yesterday, so instead I homeschooled him in irony.

Even the logo looks bored.

Never call an audible on your undergarments, ladies.

A bra in the trashcan spotted late night at a party at the Museum of Fine Arts. If you thought you needed a bra before you started drinking, you probably still need one after.

Homonyms can be dangerous.

Acupuncturist: I'm going to put the needles right into your sole.
Me: WHAT?? MY SOUL??
Acupuncturist: Don't worry, they're tiny needles and I do it right up by the toes.

I now have one in 4th grade and the other starting middle school.

I think I'm having a mid-school crisis.

Watching 24-hour news channels is like watching professional wrestling.

Whenever I'm at an exciting landmark with my family I'm always tempted to ask a stranger to take our picture. But with their camera.

Imagine there's no laundry.

John Lennon's lesser known lyrics.

Today I saw a woman driving a Prius throw a cigarette out her window.

I am too confused by this to even comment.

Some women love to cook for their husbands. I love to bring mine leftovers.

The first contact after he'd been out filming deep sea fishing for a week.

.

Right now I'm at a hotel in New York that is so hip I can't figure out how to turn off the light.

I love the word "guy". So often he's certainly not a boy, but you can't really go with 'man'.

This is becoming the worst version of "Who's on First" ever.

Today was a Pompeii day.

My husband will come home to unmade beds. Bread still in the toaster. Half glasses of milk on the counter.

Who is more exhausted, the person who blames others for their own mistakes or the person who blames themself for everyone else's?

From my 11 yo, at the mall on Mother's Day.

"It would be funny if there were a big chair set up and people lined up to sit on a mom's lap and get their picture taken."

I wonder what percentage of all content in autobiographies is true.

And is it higher or lower than the percentage of content shared with therapists that's true?

Shampoo can be cruel.

Winter may be long and cold, but in the end we always win.

There are a few items in my closet that have some nerve thinking they're going to be dry cleaned.

Lost a glove in NYC. If anyone is in New York and finds a black glove, it's probably mine.

I love how the whole country just somehow knows that #2 means, you know, #2.

It's the one thing we can all come together on. It never has to be made official or taught by anyone. Total harmony. That's why, when people say "Sh** happens," I assume they are talking about Americans uniting in harmonious agreement.

You can tell a lot about somone by whether they wipe down the treadmill before or after they exercise.

Is it me or is the emoticon smiley face so much friendlier with a nose?

Any nose.
:0)
:o)
:O)
:-)
:–)
:^)

I hope the oven repair guy doesn't ask how long the oven hasn't been working.

No clue.

There is just no unawkward way to wash a zucchini.

As of today I've been a mother for 11 years. Wondering when I'll get good at it.

This is me guest blogging on another site.

Right here.
But I swear, my job is not as easy as it sounds.
It's as fun as it sounds, but not as easy as it sounds.

I hate when Americans talk about "Americans."

Oh, wait.

Weird how something that makes you feel so cheery on December 18th can make you feel like sticking a fork in your eye on January 18th.

Christmas' hangover.

Kids don't balk at wearing hand-me-down underwear. That shows you how little power comes with being a kid.

On New Year's Eve in a pub in Fairfield, OH, I had my makeup done by Candy who used to be a makeup artist but now works on the base to make more money

It's always a good idea to drive across the country.