How can I have lived on this Earth for 42 years and still not be sure if I'm supposed to tip on a take out order?

I keep thinking if they just got in the same bathtub they might not need the Cialis.

You could sell wine for $79 a glass in an MRI waiting room.

Maybe we needed this recession. I mean, when a society starts drinking soup right out of the can you know it's time to slow things down a bit.

I love when the library has "Forgiveness Day". You get to turn in books you forgot to return years ago and they waive the fines.

I wish rental car companies had that.

Why am I saving this receipt that says my mammogram showed no abnormalities?

Do I think I can turn it in for proof if I ever get diagnosed with breast cancer?

Note added later: I know some people think some of my posts are funny. Sometimes they're just my thoughts. This post was not meant to be funny. I thought it was important for you to know that. Thanks for reading.

My 9yo is practicing his oral report in front of the family. I tell him that imagining the audience in their underwear can make you less nervous.

His brother immediately strips down to his underwear. What a thoughtful audience.

Why do I feel guilty when I go to a garage sale and leave without buying anything?

I mean, they didn't want that crap either.

My husband and I were just debating who we'd rather have dinner with: Ben Franklin or John Adams?

Marriage is so hot.

"Does anyone need a map in another language?" she asked in English.