All my jogging bras have mysteriously disappeared, which leads me to believe that I misunderstood their name and they have actual run away.

I have never attended a Thanksgiving dinner where nobody expressed doubts about the turkey thermometer.

I don't think it's a good sign when your physical therapist asks if there is any way you could become left handed.

If you stick your head into the washing machine as it's filling it sounds like a magnificent waterfall.

It probably helps if you are really tired at the time.

Know what happens when you accidentally arrive at the mall an hour before it opens with your 8 year old? You park right next to Santa.

Who knew Santa drove a red Hyundai? Or smoked?

I got tennis elbow from sitting on my ass typing on my computer. Wish I could get a tennis ass by sitting on my elbows typing on my computer.

As soon as I had kids my marriage turned into a game of chicken.

Who will move first on the towering laundry? The uncooked dinner? The mysterious odor?

Married people should not talk about their sex life unless they are referring to a lack there of. Any other reference is just creepy.